a short rebuttal: The Golden Compass

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Originally posted by: Rose
the golden compass was SO PERFECT

the dark materials are my fave books of all time, and they GOT IT RIGHT!!!!!

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Apppparently, the author of those books, when he wrote them, his purpose in writing them was to kill God in the hearts of children. I am thusly avoiding that one.

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i've heard that a million times

soooo not the case though.

that's what every Christian protector thought and publicized to make people ban the book

yes, he's an atheist, but personally the book is EXTREMELY spiritual.
it merely puts the notion of "god" in a new form
something which MANY authors have done

he's against ORGANIZED religion in the book,
but when the he speaks of the one particular character who changes religion (a nun who stops being catholic)
it's not because she LOSES FAITH, it's because her RELIGION is holding her back from experiencing the rest of the world,
and she believed that there was even more to god and spirituality and the world than her religion was letting her see.

"Dust" is the most important thing in the book, the life force and what makes people human, what makes them love and create and be.
it's the thing that ties humanity together,
and that is his notion of "god".. which is VERY similar to a common belief in a "uni-soul" or universal soul, which is how many people perceive god.

in fact, the bad guys in the book are people who are trying to destroy dust.
so in fact, Phillip Pullman was technically defending god in these books.

i read the books when i was 12-13 - the exact same age as the characters in the book,
and it merely encouraged my growth of spirituality,
it encouraged questions about my religion a bit, yes
but only in favour of expanding my faith.

Numbers from the Crazy Lady.

I'll skip the introduction and just jump right in.

I have to wonder if anyone else does this...

I give genders and sometimes colours to numbers and letters...
Is that crazy?

For example, When i see the Letter B, I see a female. She is sometimes green, but usually Purple.

When I see a 6, it is a blue or green male.

C is yellowish orange, and also male.

3 is a female, but has no fixed colour as of yet.

Y is male and X&Z are both female...
2 and 9 are male, while 5 and 8 are female..

and so on and so forth.




the other thing i do is give numbers little stories, to go with their personalities...
this is just a fun thing i do in my head.. Don't ask me why.


before i say anything, i have nothing for 1. 1 is neutral, genderless, and probably white.

you'd think that would be 0, but 0 is better, 0 is the all seeing master of all, and has NO colour.



HERE'S HOW IT IS!



2 and 3 are both young and innocent, and they're really good friends..
I worry for 3, though, because her role model is 5, who's a bit of a bitch and likes to say nasty things about people behind their backs..

But there's hope, because 8 is older and wiser, and often takes 3 under her wing.

9 is much like a male version of 5, and 5 has quite the crush on him, though he couldn't care less.

7 is a sweetheart, but shyer than his best friend, 6, who is far more extroverted.

6 is also a very nice guy, though he is known to be a bit careless, unintentionally.

4 is 8's little brother.
4 is a little geeky, and a little awkward, but we know he'll turn out well, as all geeky kids do.



so, thats my story.


just thought i'd share..
heh, still be my friends after reading this, K? woot!


<3


Rose .:

Curves

I dislike it when people say, "Curvy people are beautiful too."
or, "Not only skinny people are Beautiful"

I understand that these people are TRYING to be all inclusive by saying this..
but instead they're only succeeding in being condescending.

It's like saying the world is just discovering that curvy people have value
but that's not the case,
curves were THE sex symbol for decades,
look at Marilyn Monroe and Mae West,
they were the sex figures of their times and both much higher than a size 2.

then when the popular body type changed to Twiggy,
that was fine, styles change all the time,

but people suddenly changed their view
it's like they decided curvy people should be pittied because skinny was MORE beautiful

that's exactly what it is.

PITY.

we LOVE our bodies, we don't want to be PITTIED,
We don't NEED to be pittied!
Pity makes us feel theres something WRONG.
there's nothing wrong, it's ALL beautiful.
we don't need to be told, "don't worry, we all know you're not skinny, but it's okay, you're beautiful, too!"

we know it's beautiful, we just want the world to re-realize it,
to stop telling US and start telling THEMSELVES.

My Confidence

For years i put up a wall of fake confidence
Because that way it was easier to put up with all the snubs and pokes i got from being different
Even if i was bothered by it, I could pretend i wasn't, and people would somehow believe me.


I've always been different.
I knew that wasn't going to change, and i didn't WANT to try to fit in with everyone else.
I liked who I was, I couldn't help it if some other people didn't.

Then for a few years i retreated into my little bat cave.
- the drama room -
It was in there that I embraced my individuality instead of slightly fearing it..


When I reached grade 12 it suddenly felt like I'd actually been shoved in a closet for years, and I was seeing all the faces of my school from a whole new perspective

This time when the girls decided to dislike something about me, their insecurities were so vivid, it was amazing.
I suddenly saw that that were intimidated by me,
and with that knowledge, their snubs just made me feel stronger.

In that year I think they realized that they could no longer harm me, too..
And i enjoyed myself at school entirely, for the first time in my life.


~

The Cheap Drunk

No one take offense to this post, it's just my personal rant about me.

I'm Tired of being treated like a child.
I was told recently that the fact that I'm a cheap drunk is "sad." It was quite an innocent comment, said jokingly, and really not intended in a harmful way by the person who said it..

But it made me realize that there are some who really do think that of me, and other so-called "cheap drunks". That it is something to be pitied, as if it was something I should work on.
Did they never consider that perhaps the reason I don't drink all the time isn't because I'm a "prude," another name I've been called, but maybe because I don't actually enjoy being drunk?
That I'm not a sheep, and won't just follow the crowd to have fun, or do what makes me uncomfortable just because of what others might think of me?

That perhaps the people who really should be pitied are the ones who can't go a week without getting drunk or high at least once, so that it's becoming a serious health risk?

I don't enjoy being drunk all that much. Yes, it can be enjoyable and relaxing, and creates some giggles..
But I dislike not being able to control myself.
And I dislike the way people look at me..
Belittling.
Condescending.
I know this is how people look at me when I'm drunk, because I do it myself.
I don't like the idea that my friends can't be comfortable confiding in me, they can't trust me, or find comfort in me.
I know, because that's how I feel around my intoxicated friends.
How do I know they'll remember the conversation in the morning?
How do I know if they're even listening, not just focused on counting my eyelashes?


On a related matter,
A friend once said of me, "You can tell Rose has never been high!"
For a minute I wanted to slug her.
As if the fact that she had made her better, more experienced.
As if it made me innocent and inexperienced and naive.

How dare she turn my struggle and strength against peer pressure into something laughable?
All too often I have seen my friends fall deeply into those habits, and eventually struggle to get out of them, often without success.
All too often they think that they are different.
That THEY won't get addicted.
That THEY can stop any time they wish to.
News Flash: You ARE addicted.

"Live a Little," They tell me.

Did it never occur to them that I am living?
That this is the way I want my life to be, and I want it to continue to be that way?
That the life, the hope of the future I really want might be destroyed if I fall into a pattern like that? Just as many people prove daily.

I'm happy with who I am becoming now.
So I'll continue to do what makes me comfortable.


And that is my Rant.

I'd Rather be Reading..

Here's a quiz I stole from M-tha

1. Honestly, what color is your underwear? Borning Grey.. :(

2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now? “Who’s afraid of the big bad world? Nobody loves a chicken. Who’s afraid of the big bad world? Get some Guts and Feel no Fear”.. Cuz I’ listening to that right now. Also, Pan’s Labyrinth is in my mind... It’ll be there for a few days!.. I’m also contemplating UIMF singing... and how I’m going to tell the Museum I don’t want to be there anymore.. Agh!

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now? I was Reading a new book! “Fairest”.. I’m looking forward to it.

4. Honestly, what did you do today? .. Well, I woke up with Kyle.. then had a shower.. J .. and then saw Talissa and bought 2 movies and a book. Yay!

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive? Yup. Maybe I’m an acquired taste to some, but I’m not uggos.. I have no uggo friends.. and I count myself among them. Sometimes I wish I had a little less tub.. but that too is slowly depleting.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? lol, who's the Judge? To most of my friends.. doubtful. To my mom.. maybe. To a health food expert, probably. To my grandparents, definately. To me... no.

7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel? Not a jot. No Cable anyway.

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Everyone going to school right now, I am Jealous of. And Emmy Rossum.

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? Kyle, acting, and singing.. and doing Art.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails? Nope, not a jot!

11. Honestly, what is your mood right now? So-so.. my finger hurts, and i don't know why.. and i have a cold.. but otherwise I'm fine.. I want to be reading my book, but instead i'm writing this silly Blog.. lol.

12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? No.. when I was younger I may have eaten more than I should have, which is why I was slightly overweight.. but It really wasn't a disorder so much as little-child-without-self-discipline-syndrome.

13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute? PEOPLE in general.. And I always want to see Kyle.. I'll see my choir Folk tonight, and I'm looking forward to that!

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? haha.. not so much. Maybe.. we all have our secrets.. I couldn't call them all that dark though.. at least not the ones I've never told anyone.

16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now? Erm.. hate is a strong Word.. I don't think I hate anyone.. there are a few ppl who's asses I very much want to kick the living daylights out of, and sense into.. but not hate.

17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now? Talissa because she needs one.. and Becka, though she'd never let me, because of her poor bike.. and Kyle.. Because his hugs are what make me feel best.

18. Honestly, are you loyal? Very.. Can be more than some at times.. as far as friends go, I will always stand up for them, and I will not betray them.

19. Honestly, are you in denial? lol, about what? I might be in denial about CCPA.. maybe I only don't want to go because they didn't accept me. But I don't think so.. I truely don't think it's the right place for me. I do admit I'd love to go to randolph though... If it wasn't in Toronto. I DON'T want to go to toronto.

20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? ... lol.. yes. of course. . what kind of question is that?? who would say no?? a nun.. ha, but


21. Honestly, who is your best friend? Erm.. lately I'd say Talissa. . I'm not afraid of hurting anyone by saying that, since I don't see anyone anyway, lol. I tell her everything, and vice versa.. and if anyone hurts her, I kick their asses.

22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol? hahahahaha... yes. I like Sourpuss Jello.. but I hate any other kind of Jello . . .

23. Honestly, do you like someone? *loves*.. who does you think?

24. Honestly, does anyone like you? haha, I'm pretty sure. But other than Kyle.. I don't know. It'd be nice to have people crushing on me.. I know people HAVE liked me, but I don't know about anymore.

25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? Yes.

26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly? Yes, I'd say so. 'cept for the underwear one.. they also have specks of white on them.

I have to make a change, somehow in the way my life is running.

A person like myself cannot be satisfied without human interaction. I live off people. I thrive off human contact. If i didn't have Kyle and Talissa to keep me running I would wither. They are almost the only people I see. They're the two I see most regularly, at least.

I find my inspiration is dying out, too.. I haven't been able to finish a good picture in quite a while. Sketching I've done, and I'm learning to become better, mostly through what I'm learning off the internet. But it isn't enough, I can't find anything to truly inspire me to create real art.

I've found that as I have gotten farther away from the drama of highschool life, the more I am repulsed by it when I encounter it. I'll hear of a situation happening among friends, a common one in highschool.. and I realize I don't want to have to deal with that. Is this right? How can I find a way to be with those people I adore, without delving back into that hole of self esteem issues and highschool style hierarchy that I struggled so hard to get out of? I'm so happy to be out of highschool. But I'm not pleased to drift apart from my friends.

Maybe this realization is a sign of growing up? A sign of moving on? Maybe the thing I need is to find a whole new blend of friends.. But can I ever find people as fabulous as those I grew up with? Maybe there is a way to keep in touch with the ones I already have, but it is difficult..

It's something everyone feels at some point.. the keen realization that you probably won't know your highschool era friends forever. No matter how you work against it, it will still happen. For me it seems to be happening without my control, I have no power over it.. I don't want to force myself to go to school in order to see them, before I know what I want to do.

And I don't know what to do.


*please keep in mind, I'm PMS-ing as I write this, so I can't be completely in control of my own feelings :S