Penguin Jokes

Two Penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One of them says to the other, "Could you pass the soap?" The other one says, "what do I look like? A Microwave!?"


Why don´t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.


A penguin walks into a Bakery and says, "I'd like to buy some bread." The baker looks at him and says, "Alright, what kind would you like? White or Brown?" The penguin replies, "It doesn't matter. I'm riding my bike home."


A penguin walked into a bar and asked for a sandwich and a pint. The bartender was astounded by this talking flightless bird and asked about his life. The penguin went on to explain that he was working at the building site across the road.
Weeks went by and the penguin became a regular lunchtime fixture at the bar.
One day a circus came to town and who should walk into the pub, but the ringmaster. He started chatting to the barman and learnt of the talking penguin who frequented his establishment. Amazed at this and somewhat skeptical, the ringmaster retorted that if this was true then he would draw in the crowds with an act such as a talking Antarctic bird. The barman said that the penguin should be in soon as it was nearly lunchtime. So the King of the Ring sat in the corner and waited.
Sure enough in walked the penguin and ordered his pint of Guinness and his tuna sandwich. The ringmaster walked over after hearing the penguin's food request to introduce himself to the amazing bird.
"Hello there," said the Ringmaster, "I run the circus that's in town and I am always on the lookout for new talent. Can I offer you a job?"
"Is it that big tent in the park?" said the penguin.
"Yes," replied the Ringmaster.
"The big round tent with the pole sticking out at the top and the flaps and ropes?"
"Yes, Yes my feathered friend."
"Don't be daft," said the penguin. "I'm a plasterer!" and walked back to the building site.


A penguin walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10." The penguin pays and the bartender serves him his drink, saying, "You know, we don't get many penguins coming in here, you know." The penguin says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."


A penguin walked into a bar and asked the barman, "Do you have any plums?" The barman lookd at him and answered, "No, this is a bar. We only serve chips and beer." The penguin walked out.
The next day the penguin walked in again. "Do you have any plums?" The barman looked at him. "I told you yesterday we only serve chips and beer." The penguin walked out, only to return the next day.
"Do you have any plums?" The barman now angry told the penguin, "Look I told you the other day no we don't serve plums. We only serve beer and chips an if you ask again i will nail your flippers to the floor" The penguin walked out again.
The next day the penguin returned. "Do you have any nails?" The barman looked at the penguin and replied "No" The penguin looked hopeful. "Ok then... Do you have any plums???"


Two penguins are standing on an iceberg.One penguin says to the other, "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo." The other penguin replies, "Who says I'm not?"


Two Microwaves are sitting in a bathtub. One of them says to the other, "Could you pass the soap?" The Other replies, "What do I look like? A Penguin!?"


Non-penguin Jokes.


What do elephants do at 5:00 in the morning?
They hide in the forest and jump out of trees.


How to you get an elephant into a Fridge?
Open the door, shove in the elephant, and close the door.


Two sausages are sitting in a pan. One says to the other, "Gee, it sure is getting hot in here." The other replies, "Oh my god, a talking sausage!!"


What's brown and sticky?
A stick.


How do you get a giraffe into a fridge?
Open the door, take out the elephant, shove in the giraffe and close the door.


Why are aligators flat?
They wander about the forest at 5:00 in the morning.


A frog walked (hoped) into a bank. He aproached the nearest teller, who's nametag read 'Patricia MacDonald'. The frog said to her, "I would like to take out a loan." Patricia wasn't sure that their bank allowed animals to take out loans, however since she wasn't cruel, she decided to go ahead with it. After all, the frog could talk. She asked him, "do you have any credit?" The frog reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny, pink plastic elephant, and placed it on the table, winking at her. Feeling rather confused, Pat excused herself and brought the elephant to her manager. "Sir," she asked, "There's a frog outside who wants to take out a loan. He gave me this," Pat placed the elephant on her manager's desk. "What is this anyway?" The manager smiled and said, "It's a nick-nack, Patty Mac. Give the frog a Loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


Three men walk into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would have seen it.