random thoughts on my past weight.
I've been asked why I'm so defensive about overweight people being ridiculed, since I'm not part of that group of people anymore.
Well, other than the fact that I think most people who have lost weight can understand, that you never stop feeling like you're big, I'll explain.
I'm more sensitive about people being insensitive about obesity NOW than I was then.
for many reasons.
for one, because society was constantly bashing me on the head with the belief, a part of me always thought it was my fault i was big. and not in a "i'm not trying" way, because i was, but in a "I'm a bad person" way.
secondly, now that I've made it here, I know how hard it was. So I hate it when people judge those who haven't yet reached the finish line - that judgement is only making it harder for them.
I also have seen just how HUGELY differently I'm treated as a thin person than when I was big, and that hurts me to the core.
- many of my guy friends treat me better and want more time with me. insulting, since they're clearly shallow, my personality hasn't changed, so how come they are more interested in my opinions now than then?
- people in general are friendlier. I don't know why, but it's across the map. ('cept with larger women. i find large women treat me the same as ever, but if they hear that I USED to be big, they suddenly like me better. think this is because they can relate to me then, and they know i'm not judging them.)
- I get parts a little more easily in plays. I understand this, the world is an unfortunately shallow place, and they want the leading lady traditionally hot. that's part of the reason I lost weight in the first place. but it makes me greive for the girl i was who was just as talented but always got small roles.
- i truly beleive i was beautiful when i was big. i was not HOT, but i was beautiful, I thought so then and i think so now - i wanted to be hot too, which is why i lost weight. but i feel now how much further being "hot" gets me, how many more guys check me out, and (not that i don't like it, but..) that also hurts the little chubby girl inside me. because i know so many BEAUTIFUL big women, who don't get the attention i beleive they deserve because people get stopped by the weight.
Not all "fat" Is 100% unhealthy, some of the healthiest and most active women i know are still a bit "heavy". fitness doesn't always mean thinness.
Well, other than the fact that I think most people who have lost weight can understand, that you never stop feeling like you're big, I'll explain.
I'm more sensitive about people being insensitive about obesity NOW than I was then.
for many reasons.
for one, because society was constantly bashing me on the head with the belief, a part of me always thought it was my fault i was big. and not in a "i'm not trying" way, because i was, but in a "I'm a bad person" way.
secondly, now that I've made it here, I know how hard it was. So I hate it when people judge those who haven't yet reached the finish line - that judgement is only making it harder for them.
I also have seen just how HUGELY differently I'm treated as a thin person than when I was big, and that hurts me to the core.
- many of my guy friends treat me better and want more time with me. insulting, since they're clearly shallow, my personality hasn't changed, so how come they are more interested in my opinions now than then?
- people in general are friendlier. I don't know why, but it's across the map. ('cept with larger women. i find large women treat me the same as ever, but if they hear that I USED to be big, they suddenly like me better. think this is because they can relate to me then, and they know i'm not judging them.)
- I get parts a little more easily in plays. I understand this, the world is an unfortunately shallow place, and they want the leading lady traditionally hot. that's part of the reason I lost weight in the first place. but it makes me greive for the girl i was who was just as talented but always got small roles.
- i truly beleive i was beautiful when i was big. i was not HOT, but i was beautiful, I thought so then and i think so now - i wanted to be hot too, which is why i lost weight. but i feel now how much further being "hot" gets me, how many more guys check me out, and (not that i don't like it, but..) that also hurts the little chubby girl inside me. because i know so many BEAUTIFUL big women, who don't get the attention i beleive they deserve because people get stopped by the weight.
Not all "fat" Is 100% unhealthy, some of the healthiest and most active women i know are still a bit "heavy". fitness doesn't always mean thinness.
posted by Rose Siubhan at 2:47:00 PM
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